Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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