Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
