I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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