dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
