I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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