There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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