Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
