I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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