i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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