I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
