garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
