I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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