she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize