Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
