Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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