I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
