I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you made out with another girl for some wings
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
