why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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