did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
