Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
