Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
worst night to have a conscience
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
