I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
