Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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