I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
