Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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