He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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