East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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