Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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