I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
