walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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