Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
