its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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