My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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