just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
