If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
