this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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