thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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