My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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