He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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