I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
