Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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