I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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