so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
