It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
