maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
