i permit you to call me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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