nut hugger
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize