There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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