Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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