Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
