I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
