I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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