We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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