Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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