upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ruined the universe
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
