You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
