I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
