When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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