i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
