Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
