Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
