that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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