I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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