did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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