It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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