when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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